If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
