NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize