I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
