i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
