Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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