Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
