just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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