Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
