he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize