You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
