I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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