so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
