Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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