okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
