chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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