The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
