We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
