You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
