I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
