two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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