tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
