I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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