I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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