So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
