So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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