And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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