i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Couch. On fire.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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