Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Randomize
