I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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