I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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