I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
