I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
