i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
