You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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