I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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