i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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