There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
