Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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