I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
