dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
