The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I need moral support for this bender
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
