my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
