He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
