I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
