Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
