Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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