What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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