I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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