my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
