no. you can't hotbox the world.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
