i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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