why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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