She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
