I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I will be naked everywhere
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
