I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
