Non-Jews are for practice
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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