He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He kissed a someone with a penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
