You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
