you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
