I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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