dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
