so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
