Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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