Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize