At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
