hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize