Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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