Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
