I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
